Jun 7, 2012

Spontaneous Pneumothorax #2 and chest tube that falls out

OK so there's been a few things that happened since I last wrote. The job search is starting to piss me off, well  the job search isn't exactly doing that but the lack of response sure is. This is how I know it's definitely time to learn some new skills and make myself marketable again, which is one reason I'm learning web development. Sure, I won't have a degree or years of experience, but I personally think that with my creative graphic design/art  Photoshop skills combined with the ability to follow logic and the capacity for analytical/problem solving skills, and hopefully a few good websites that I designed to use as my portfolio that maybe, just maybe I can gain an entry  level job in that field at some point in the near future. That would be nice since I really enjoy that type of work. But I do have a long way to go still, however I've extremely excited and motivated to learn all that I can, so just  don't bust my bubble, I do that well enough on my own thank you very much.

Right now I'm still recovering from my second collapsed lung, which they like to call a spontaneous pneumothorax. I also had the great pleasure to experience a large plastic tube being shoved into the side of my breast, through the  tissue and between two ribs, into the thoracic cavity, which is where my lungs reside. The ER doctor felt pretty  strongly that I would be safer if I didn't go under with anesthesia, just local numbing on the skin for the  incision. After interrogating him about the consequences of undergoing such surgery without anesthesia and while remaining fully awake and completely aware of the whole process, I decided to take his advice and just go for it.  Let me tell you, that was the most painful and utterly unpleasant thing I've had to endure, ever. I was thinking about how they should record someone getting a chest tube put in without anesthesia and use it for an anti-smoking  commercial. It would be quite effective. But who am I to know anything like that. I'm just an unemployed moron, with no health insurance. Anyway, I made it though the surgery with the help of my friend Dilaudid, which is  hydromorphone administered through an IV... and a lot of clinching, crying and some screaming too. Once the surgery  was over and I had the chest tube installed, my breathing started to return to normal as my lung filled up, and with the Dilauded fully kicked in, I felt pretty decent as I lay there backed in to the ER bay in my sexy hospital gown  and nose tubes. This is where I waited for a few hours until they had a room ready. It was like I was watching a  movie or TV show and since I could breath quite well and was really high, it was sort of entertaining to watch everyone performing. After I got my room, it was really difficult to get comfortable and especially sleep with all  the wires, tubes and tape all over my body, not to mention that big plastic tube that was protruding from the side  of my left breast that ended in a little contraption sitting on the floor next to my bed.

I used this time that I was bed-ridden to work on my website and to study web development, using a laptop and a  horrible Wi-Fi connection. Basically every time I clicked anything, I had to "repair" the connection, sometimes  having to refresh the browser too. It was excruciating just to do anything, but at least it worked enough to slowly  make progress and keep my mind off of everything. At one point the next day while I was plugging away at my site and  flying high from the "legal high" that I was experiencing, along with the continued pain in my chest that never  really went away, no matter how much Dilauded or Norco I had, I noticed that my chest tube was not where it was  supposed to be and not where that nice doctor put it the day before. It just happened to be lying on the floor next  to my bed, all covered in dried blood and not doing it's job. Damn it! I went though all that, just to have it end  up ineffectively lying on the floor! Oh well, they said my lung was mostly inflated and it would probably be OK. They would just watch me and take a lot of X rays for the next few days and it should all be fine.

So here I am a couple days after getting out and I can breathe quite well, but it still hurts to breathe deep and especially to cough. I'm not convinced that I'm out of the woods yet with this and to be honest, I'm a little scared  too. Now in the course of just 6 weeks, both of my lungs have collapsed... for no apparent and obvious reason, other  than I used to smoke, but I've known a lot of smokers and I don't think I know of any who have had a collapsed lung,  but what do I know. I'm just an unemployed moron. It was one thing when I just had the one lung collapse, because I  have another one, but when the other one collapsed too, and after a 3 day hospital stay, that I still feel a lot of  pain and tightness that I felt before going on to the hospital, I'm actually scared and not really sure what to do. It also doesn't help much that I don't have health insurance. If I keep having to go to the hospital, will they eventually tell me to fuck off, or what?

Well, in the mean time I will try to stay positive. I will keep applying for jobs and will continue studying and  learning web development, which at least gives me some hope. My site is still under construction and some of it has been rewritten (and actually works). http://www.StacyYoungPhotos.com

The new pages that I made are the index/Home, About Stacy and Retro 80's Arcade. The other pages were originally made using a drag and drop web builder and I will get to those soon I hope, ultimately making the whole site original while learning a lot at the same time. Right now, I feel like I have intermediate HTML knowledge, beginning CSS and just being introduced to JavaScript and J Query, I hope to be  more proficient with all of these within a month or so and even though I have so much to learn still, I'm very motivated  and excited by it. This is something I've been wanting to do for a long time and I'm finally doing something about it! This can be compared to the difference between how when someone learns to play guitar because their parents wanted  them to, verses someone learning guitar because they really want to.

I also realize more than ever how fragile life really is. The ability to just breathe, is something most of us take for granted. I sure appreciate it a lot more and now that I've damaged my lungs all these years from smoking, I realize this. Hopefully at least someone reading this will learn from my mistakes and quit smoking or never start if they don't smoke already. We only have one set of lungs in this life, so it doesn't make sense to purposely fuck them up!


Cassie said...

Oh Stacy... You need a Hug!

I'm still thinking good thoughts for you : )

HTML Huh. I'm not sure how many people know that you should always have an "index" page, otherwise it's easy to see the structure of your site. Most people set them up as error pages if they don't use them as a home page.

I've got some Javascript Lessons and maybe other stuff I could send you if you're interested. From some online courses I took several years ago.

I've got a stack ten feet high of those big thick computer books : )

I was born with asthma so I know what a gift being able to breath is. I outgrew it by my mid teens. But I remember having backaches from just straining to breath. So I do realize how wonderful it is just being able to.

I don't ever remember a Parent forcing a Child to practice Guitar. But I agree with your analogy.

I got my first Guitar at eleven years old, which means I've been "Practicing" longer than you've been alive most likely!

I'm still not accomplished : )

As for HTML... Not too good either, but it is Fun! I'm definitely a Geek. Just not a very good one. I like the hardware side of computing very much also. I'm a regular parts store!

Get Well Soon Stacy.

dale said...

Stacy I'm praying for you to get better and get stronger and I hope you find a job soon. Keeping you in our hearts and thoughts with Love! XOXOXO