Time Lapse Driving into downtown Portland up to 13th Floor

Time Lapse Driving through Redwoods on Avenue of the Giants California

the world spinning gently out of time... Blur

This is such a beautiful and yet simple song. We should all listen to this and reflect on the simple message of the lyrics. This is by Blur, from their 2003 album Think Tank.

Where's the love song?
To set us free
Too many people down
Everything turning the wrong way around
And I don't know what love will be
But if we start dreaming now
Lord knows we'll never leave the clouds
And you've been so busy lately
that you haven't found the time
To open up your mind
And watch the world spinning gently out of time
Feel the sunshine on your face
It's in a computer now
Gone are the future, way out in space
Tell me I'm not dreaming but are we out of time?
(We're) out of time
Out of time

Tramadol, Doctors, Still Job Searching and Smashing Pumpkins

Hi everyone, I'm gonna write a little update since it's now been a week since my last post. I went to the first visit with my new primary care doctor 2 days ago. Since I don't have income or health insurance, I had no choice but to go to an office that mostly sees welfare and low income patients. That's me! This doctor was a resident physician that is overseen by a more established doctor, who also popped in to introduce himself and ask a few questions, however I was very impressed with the primary care physician who seemed to sincerely care and also spent a great deal of time talking to me. It was sort of a relief after dealing with the slew of doctors in the hospital who could only muster about 1 minute of their time every time they came in to my room.

Because of being in the hospital for a week and from experiencing all kind of different pain relievers, and since I at least try to use my brain to think things through, I had a pretty good idea of what kind of pain reliever actually worked for the kind of pain that I have. This happens to be hydrocodone, but the doctor told me that it was a new law that they were not allowed to prescribe narcotics on the first visit and even though I told him that Hydrocodone worked quite well and the pain was a 7 on a scale of 10, I got a prescription for Tramadol. (BTW, don't you think that the auto speller here at Google would recognize pharmaceuticals...especially since the pharmaceutical companies have so much clout?) OK, anyway I've been taking the Tramadol for 2 days and they are doing very little for the pain and may be slightly more effective than acetaminophen or ibuprofen, but not by very much. They do however make me feel much less inhibited and a little high even...more so than the supposedly very addictive hydrocodone. So I guess that maybe the makers of Tramadol have worked out a little deal with the DEA...wink wink...to promote them and not label them as a narcotic or very addictive. But I can definitely see how these could be valuable on the street and I'm surprised that they give them out like candy... but then again, I'm actually not really all that surprised since they still consider marijuana a dangerous drug, yet it's just hunky dory to drink ourselves into oblivion instead! Sorry but I'm a little grouchy since this pain is still unbearable and now I have a bottle of pills that aren't helping, just so I won't become addicted to vicodin. Do they really care if I become addicted? That's a bunch of crap for sure.

Now on a more happy an upbeat tone. I've been happily listening to the new Smashing Pumpkins album, "Oceania" and I have been so pleasantly surprised by this wonderful work of art. After listening to their "Zeitgeist" album, I was so disappointed and was almost ready to write off Billy Corgan as perhaps another washed up musician and was gonna wait to see him showing up as a lounge act and also releasing even more greatest hits albums with new artwork and the same songs, just in a different order. But Oceania is such a wonderful gem of an album and I've been listening to it on Spotify non-stop...at least when I'm near the computer. Unfortunately I don't have $15 to purchase an album, but I will be checking with the library to get a copy of it. Although I would never dream of ripping the CD onto my computer! But would have it for 3 weeks to listen too all I want. :)

In the meantime, besides just trying to heal and recover from the surgery and dealing with the pain, I've been applying for jobs...probably a few dozen more since my last post talking about this. I'm going for another long walk around downtown and will take more side streets, stopping in to businesses asking if they are hiring. Something has to happen and maybe, just maybe some business will just happen to be looking for someone to sweep their floors or so some kind of crap that most people might not enjoy doing and I will just happen to walk in at the right moment and before they post the job opening. Maybe they will see my happy face and willingness to do just about any job and eagerness to learn anything new as well and I will get a job using this technique. I'm really trying to stay positive about all this and also trying my best to avoid resorting to just selling myself as a sex slave or a number of other shady and/or illegal activities just out of desperation. OK, I am kidding about the sex slave thing. It's not my thing, but I can see how some women do this. It's a rough and cruel world and I'm finding that getting a job does not always have to do with having the right skill set, experience and attitude,  but does instead seem to be more to do with "who you know". Since I've recently moved to Michigan and don't get out socializing much, I don't know anyone, so that I think is the main reason why this is so much of a damn struggle. Not to mention that Detroit is one of the worst job markets in the country too.

Hey if anyone reading this knows of any job opportunities, please let me know and consider at least talking to me about it. I am welcoming the chance for an interview and also open to all possibilities too!

I leave you with the song "Violet Rays" off the Smashing Pumpkins new album, Oceania. :)

Nothing's Impossible

Just give me a reason, some kind of sign
I'll need a miracle to help me this time
I heard what you said, and I feel the same
I know in my heart that I'll have to change

Even the stars look brighter tonight
Nothing's impossible
I still believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible

How did we get to be this far apart?
How did we get to be this far apart?
I want to be with you, have something to share
I want to be here, I am not there

Even the stars look brighter tonight
Nothing's impossible
I still believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible
Even the stars look brighter tonight
Nothing's impossible
If you believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible

I still believe in love at first sight
Nothing's impossible  Depeche Mode  ©2005

One week out of hospital and feeling much better! :)

 For those who have been following my personal and health progress, here's a little update. I've been out of the hospital for 6 days and have made huge progress. For the first few days I spent most of my time sleeping. The first day I slept for 20 hours solid, then each day the sleep progressively tapered off to where now I'm sleeping a little more than my normal 8 hours, but it's averaging only about 11 hours now...with an occasional nap mixed in still. I've also been walking every day...or actually at night since it's cooler and I just enjoy being outside at night. Besides being cooler and yes it's bloody hot in Michigan in the Summer. Today was 97 degrees and it was 90 degrees inside, with no a/c... cause who needs a/c in Michigan? LOL.  The first few days I was walking for about 15 minutes each night but now the last few nights have been walking about an hour. I've really enjoyed these walks too. It's just me, my iPod and good tunes. In case you haven't gathered by now, music is more important to me than food... well usually and most of the time it is. If I had to choose between music and bean burritos or CHEESE, it's hard to say.

Boy I'm glad I'm only a vegetarian and not vegan cause I love cheese so much. I did try being a vegan for a few years and was actually probably healthier than ever during that time, but I craved cheese so much. Eventually, the cravings for cheese is what made me step down from the vegan platform and just be a normal everyday, lacto/ovo vegetarian. But it was so ironic during that period that I was vegan, cause I smoked cigarettes during that period. Yeah what an oxymoron and what a moron I can actually be at times. I'm like that Green Day song, Walking Contradiction... or should it be Beautiful Disaster by 311? LOL.
But hey, I was initially doing it for the animals and not so much for the health reasons. The health reasons eventually became part of it too, but the very reason I became a vegetarian back in 1997 was because of the realizations that the chicken sandwich I was eating, and the hamburgers that I used to enjoy were made from real live animals, who had feelings, emotions and actual thought processes, just like you, me and all other humans. It was the realization that we are animals too and I sure the hell wouldn't appreciate if someone rounded me up against my will, separating me from my family, through me in a cage, tortured me, then brutally killed me, just because they liked the way I taste. To me, this is just absolutely insane! However, I will not ever judge anyone who still eats meat, because I ate meat for 27 years and had virtually no guilt or total realization of what I was doing. It's easy to disassociate the meat we eat from the animals they really come from when we are programmed from birth to eat it and by the time the meat reaches our plate, all the symbols such as the head and other body parts are removed and it is nicely wrapped in a package to make it look like nice and innocent food. I also really don't have much of a problem with other people around me eating meat because since I'm human, I'm sure there still other are things that I do which some people may object too as well, for whatever reason. But just don't force me to eat your carcass and I won't force you to eat my bean curd, otherwise known as tofu. I often hear people say how gross tofu sees to them. Well, I don't really see what is so appealing about bloody animal carcass either.

And since I used to smoke cigarettes and not only smoke them, but hold the smoke in like it was a really wonderful tonic, combined with the asthma that I was born with, I had the collapsed lungs and I believe I paid the price for this, with the recent hospitalization, 4 chest tubes and the most recent and very painful surgery. I will never smoke another cigarette or anything else. It just isn't worth it. So because of these experiences, I'm more dedicated than ever to really being healthy, which is one reason why I've been walking. I would jog or run, but with my asthma, I've never been able to do that very well and I've learned to accept it. But walking is something that works really well for me, even after these Pneumothoraces, I'm able to walk, which makes me happy because I don't want to be a lazy couch potato. Life is too short and wonderful to resort to such tactics.

I also appreciate everyone who had left me nice, sincere comments and emails with best wishes and warm greetings too. Just for the record, I no longer smoke cigarettes or anything at all.

I've always liked this song a lot and of course this video just takes me back to the era when MTV played music, which was such a novel concept. Good thing we at least have YouTube so we can be our own music television. Maybe it's just evolution, but I still miss it. Here's Simple Minds "Alive and Kicking".

Pictures from the river today and a beautiful Rush song too....

I spent some time with nature and the skeeters today out by the river and snapped a few pictures too. Of course I was also listening to my iPod. Today's music was the Rush  "Snakes and Arrows" album, which is a newer one of theirs. 

A beautiful song that I really enjoyed was "Faithless". 
Here's the lyrics... 

I've got my own moral compass to steer by
A guiding star beats a spirit in the sky
And all the preaching voices -
Empty vessels ring so loud
As they move among the crowd
Fools and thieves are well disguised
In the temple and market place

Like a stone in the river
Against the floods of spring
I will quietly resist

Like the willows in the wind
Or the cliffs along the ocean
I will quietly resist

I don't have faith in faith
I don't believe in belief
You can call me faithless
I still cling to hope
And I believe in love
And that's faith enough for me

I've got my own spirit level for balance
To tell if my choice is leaning up or down
And all the shouting voices
Try to throw me off my course
Some by sermon, some by force
Fools and thieves are dangerous
In the temple and market place

Like a forest bows to winter
Beneath the deep white silence
I will quietly resist

Like a flower in the desert
That only blooms at night
I will quietly resist 

Here are a few pics that I took while listening to this deep and powerful album, which made a perfect soundtrack today.