May 30, 2012

Self sabotaging with junk food and stupid excuses

Just as I'm starting to type out this new blog post while ignoring my rhythmically tapping foot, I also feel like going back into the kitchen to see if there's something quick, tasteful and unhealthy that I can stuff in my face. You know, the kind of food that the main ingredients are HFCS, sugar, hydrogenated oil and food coloring, followed by a paragraph of unpronounceable words.. The kind of food that makes you feel sick, sluggish and bloated before you even eat it.

So why do I self-sabotage like this? Another example is just a few minutes ago while I was trying to learn JavaScript, I kept popping fig newtons every time I got to something I didn't understand, which since I'm just starting out learning JavaScript means that this is happening every few seconds. Give me a big bag of chocolate and I will have it demolished before you finish reading this post.

I guess this is mostly emotional eating but I'm not really sure why I do that to myself. Tomorrow when I get on the scale, I will officially be heavier than I was today. I will then say to myself...
 "Hey Fat Ass! wake up from your stupid self-sabotaging trance and be good today. This means just stay away from food completely, or at least as long as it's not inconveniencing anyone else. This should get you through the better part of the day without consuming any calories, then if you eat something later (with restraint), it won't be so bad and the overall calories for the day will be very little. Then self... you need to get outside and exercise. I realize you have too many things that you would rather be doing or that needs to be done, so don't worry about it until tonight sometime. But you better at least walk some tonight!"

However, the same cycle keeps happening. I eventually give in and have that one bite of food, maybe just a stupid little nutritionally void cookie...then one more. OK, to hell with it, I'm tired of wasting time. I'll just grab 4 or 5 cookies and take them back to my computer. When I finish those cookies, I will stop eating until my body is definitely hungry. The munchies aren't supposed to count as a true hunger and should be ignored altogether. Let's see....<input type="button"..... now where did my 4 cookies go!! Oh, I just ate all of them without breathing and I got one line of code written, which actually works!  Yeah!!! Now I need a reward so I'll go to the kitchen and have just 2 more cookies cause that is a very decent compromise.

Now it's late at night and I'm all wrapped up in working on my site and learning new things. It's really not a good time to exercise. So I will just eat a few chips and maybe just a little spoon of peanut butter, cause I think my body needs protein and peanut butter certainly has a lot of that. Besides, it's OK cause I'm gonna basically starve myself all day tomorrow AND go for a walk too. Oh look, I forgot I had leftover pasta from dinner. It's good cold too. Tomorrow I will be good.

So maybe tomorrow I will stop making excuses? Well I can already think of at least 6 things right of the top of my head that will qualify for a perfectly good excuse....


Rachelle M. said...

He he he....I think we've all been there! Just take a deep breath and it will come.

Cassie said...

document.write('You're Way Too Hard on yourself : )');